


命运 (Destiny)

by flightlesswish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3660117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesswish/pseuds/flightlesswish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is a repost from my LJ account.</p><p>Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.</p>
    </blockquote>





	命运 (Destiny)

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a repost from my LJ account.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.

  
  
  


 

Huang Zitao threw his life away as he knew it and left for Seoul on one particular warm Friday morning in Spring 2010. He went to SM building, an acceptance letter in hand. He entered the building and tried his best not to look seventeen and scared, but he just  _had_  to trip over particles of air. He groaned in pain as he tried to get up, but he could hear a faint chuckle and a stretch of a hand in front of him.  
  
And that was how he met Wu Yifan.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
Zitao learnt the next day that Yifan was a Canadian, his father was Canadian while his mother was Chinese, and that Yifan was born in Guangzhou, China. Yifan said nothing further about his family, but Zitao just shrugged it off and told him about his instead.  
  
After a week, Zitao learnt that Yifan didn't smile much and looked like he didn't care about the world at all and sometimes he looked arrogant, even, but Zitao had also learnt that Yifan was one of the most warm-hearted and nicest people he ever met.  
  
After a month the practice hours felt so long, his felt his entire body ached and his throat was burning, chapped lips and dark circles around his eyes were getting worse day by day. At the end of the day, Yifan would pat him on his back and would always lend his shoulder to lean and cry on whenever Zitao felt like it was too much, that he just wanted to give up and quit and go back to Qingdao.  
  
To go back  _home_.  
  
“It's gonna be okay,” Yifan hushed on one of those nights, one hand pillowing Zitao's head and another one rubbing the younger's back gently. Yifan had ushered a shy boy who roomed with Zitao named Oh Sehun to his room previously, which the 16 year-old agreed happily. Yifan smiled at the thought of how surprised Lu Han, his roommate, might be. Yifan had always known there was something more going on between the two.  
  
Zitao looked up at him, eyes blurred with tears. Yifan wiped them gently with his long fingers, tracing every inch of Zitao's face.  
  
"You're a strong man, Zitao. I  _know_  you are. I won't forgive you if you give this up." Yifan murmured, gazing deep into Zitao's eyes. Zitao could see himself in Yifan's eyes, looking wasted and completely pathetic.  
  
"You think too highly of me," Zitao replied, burying his face deeper into Yifan's neck, feeling heat rising in his cheeks.  
  
"No, Zitao - It's  _you_  who think too lowly of yourself." Yifan chuckled, shaking his head.  
  
Zitao said nothing in response and slowly closing his eyes instead, gradually lulled to sleep by listening to Yifan's even heartbeats. It somehow reminded him of home.  
  
"世界对你来说没有不可能," Yifan whispered, but Zitao wasn't even sure whether it was a dream or not.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
Zitao found his mind was filled by Yifan, Yifan, and Yifan, and the way his heart skipped a beat when Yifan smiled and when he laughed, that he felt like he was going to die at Yifan's every touch.  
  
Zitao inhaled deeply and gulped down his can of soda as Yifan laughed at the stupid jokes Park Chanyeol was telling him.  
  
He cursed himself mentally, telling his heart to stop beating so damn loud.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
Weeks passed, and rumor had it that Zitao and several other trainees would be placed in a group debuting next year called M1 and M2. Zitao told Yifan this over lunch, and Yifan smiled and pat him on the back as always, congratulating him genuinely.  
  
"Rumor has it that you'd be in it too," Zitao said almost too enthusiasticly, "Really?" Yifan asked, but he really seemed unfocused It seemed like something was bothering him.  
  
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Zitao asked instead, and a little bit surprised when Yifan looked at him with wide eyes.  
  
He was hiding something.  
  
"You are hiding something." Zitao stated, somehow feeling betrayed.  
  
"I'm not." Yifan sighed, shaking his head. Just then, Lu Han and Sehun approached their table, hand in hand.  
  
"Hey hyung," Sehun greeted them with a sheepish smile, a matching one with Lu Han's. Zitao forced out a smile and nodded, while Yifan looked blank.  
  
"Chanyeol hyung asked me to tell you that he left his cell phone at home, and that he'll finish at eight tonight." Sehun added, directing his gaze to Yifan. Hearing that, Yifan looked visibly relieved for some reasons Zitao didn't know, then he immediately smiled at Sehun and saying his thanks. Sehun smiled at him and said  _don't mention it_  while Lu Han gave him a meaningful gaze.  
  
It looked almost like a warning to Zitao.  
  
They left their table soon after, searching for an empty table for themselves on the back corner.  
  
"Chanyeol hyung?" Zitao asked, looking at his half-empty glass of milk tea. Yifan nodded, now looked more relaxed and visibly calmer, sipping his own glass of milk tea.  
  
"I was worried that he didn't pick up my calls and didn't reply to my texts. I thought he was involved in an accident or something. Turns out that he left his cell at home." Yifan chuckled, shaking his head as if he's in disbelief that he was worrying over something unnecessary.  
  
Zitao was about to open his mouth when Yifan suddenly got up, giving him an apologetic look.  
  
"I'm sorry but I gotta go. I'll meet you later, yeah?" He said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder before he walked away.  
  
Zitao suddenly felt dizzy, apparently his brain needed more time to figure what the hell had just happened and what that meant. He gave up after five minutes passed, sighing. He could see Sehun stole kisses from Lu Han from the corner of his eye, while Lu Han giggled and let him to do so. Zitao inhaled deeply and placed his hand on his chest.  
  
It hurt.  
  
                                                                    ---  
  
Zitao started to notice the thing that he should have noticed those times ago - from the very moment he stepped on his first class - that Wu Yifan was close with Park Chanyeol.  
  
Well, a little bit  _too_  close for his liking, he had to admit.  
  
He decided to talk about it with Sehun one night, when they were laying on the bed, feeling warm in their pajamas after long hours of practice.  
  
"Of course they're close," Sehun said, "They've been together for more than two years now, as far as I remember." he added soon after, staring at the ceiling. Zitao turned his gaze to Sehun. Sehun gave him a questioning look.  
  
"Wait, you didn't know about this?" Sehun asked, looking surprised. Zitao shook his head slowly.  
  
"They're together... Together?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Like you and Lu Han gege?"  
  
Sehun blushed and said nothing. Zitao took that as a yes.  
  
"Yeah, like... Us." Sehun said dreamily a few heartbeats later, a soft smile on his lips. Zitao closed his eyes, tears threatening to fall.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Are you crying? Oh God, you are. What's wrong?" Sehun sat up and tried to wipe the tears on Zitao's cheeks with his hands. His hands are warm, Zitao thought.  
  
But they're not Yifan's.  
  
Yifan.  
  
Wu Yifan.  
  
"Fuck fuck fuck," Zitao cursed in chinese, as it would stop his heart from breaking apart.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
SM announced the members of their upcoming groups, M1 and M2, the next day. M1 was consisted of Kim Joonmyun, Do Kyungsoo, Kim Jongin, Oh Sehun, Park Chanyeol, and Wu Yifan while M2 was consisted of Lu Han, Zhang Yixing, Kim Minseok, Kim Jongdae, and Huang Zitao.  
  
                                                                    ---  
  
Byun Baekhyun came in a bright Sunday morning. His smile was as bright as the sun while his dark brown eyes were as calm as the moon. One of their managers told them that Baekhyun would join M1 despite his lack of training period, and that he would receive extra lessons after their practice sessions, to be fair.  
  
Baekhyun introduced himself further later after their practice. He found out that he's the same age as Chanyeol, high-five-ing the taller man almost immediately. Zitao could see Yifan's cold stare, but he said nothing. Baekhyun approached Zitao soon after, stretching out his hand to shake Zitao's.  
  
"Beef," Zitao blurted out before he could stop himself. Baekhyun's eyes widened, and he broke into laughter the next second.  
  
"Be - beef?" Baekhyun managed to say in between his laugh, eyes fixed on Zitao, full of curiosity.  
  
"Yes. You and I. Beef." Zitao smiled dumbly, not knowing the korean word of Taurus. Baekhyun gave him a warm smile and shook his hand, "Okay, beef partner, let's work hard together!." He grinned, pulling Zitao into a tight hug. Zitao hugged him back, unconsciously smiling in Baekhyun's hair. It smelt like strawberries.  
  
He carefully glanced at Yifan, only to find him listening to Chanyeol talking, smiling and happy and -  
  
Zitao closed his eyes, losing himself in the scent of strawberries.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
"You're avoiding me."  
  
Zitao looked up from his soda to find Yifan gazing at him. He was just about to enjoy his lunch alone, but, of course.  
  
Wu Yifan, ruining his peaceful, imperfectly perfect life since 2010.  
  
"I'm not." Zitao replied simply, shoving a spoonful of bibimbap into his mouth. Yifan sighed, proceeding to sit on the empty chair in front of him.  
  
"I didn't say it's available," Zitao pointed out, feeling irritated all of sudden. Yifan shrugged.  
  
"You never said it's not, either."  
  
Zitao kicked his shin below the table.  
  
"What was that for?" Yifan hissed, rubbing his now-aching-shin. Zitao ignored him and continued to eat his bibimbap dutifully.  
  
"Look, I don't know what I did wrong but I'm sorry." Yifan said, eyeing the younger of the two with concerned eyes.  
  
"Why are you sorry when you don't know what you're sorry for?" Zitao asked, trying his best to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Then are you ever going to tell me what I did wrong so we can talk about it and just. It's childish, Zitao, why are we even - "  
  
"Well I'm sorry if it's  _childish_ ," Zitao interrupted in a mocking tone, slamming his spoon down. Yifan looked genuinely surprised. They could feel people were staring at them, but Zitao couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
"Be honest with me." Yifan said a few heartbeats later, after the air had much less tension in it and people began to mind their own business again, tone and eyes softened. Zitao laughed at that, shaking his head.  
  
"Why should I? You're not honest with me either." He shot back, glaring at the older daringly. Yifan froze.  
  
"What are you even talking about?" Yifan asked quietly, just enough for Zitao to hear. Zitao said nothing, he felt like his heart was going to burst and his head felt like it was about to explode if he said something---anything. He held onto the edge of the table until his fists went white, bracing himself from shouting and screaming and crying and--  
  
"Park Chanyeol." Zitao choked out.  
  
Park fucking Chanyeol.  
  
"What does Chanyeol have to do with this?" Yifan asked, tone a little bit higher than usual. He looked lost.  
  
 _Everything_ , Zitao wanted to shout, but he didn't really want to look and sound more pathetic than he already was.  
  
"You're together with him." Zitao stated almost bitterly.  
  
"Well, yes." Yifan answered, baffled.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Zitao demanded weakly, eyes now fixed at his half-empty bowl of bibimbap. Yifan's expression went blank.  
  
"Because you never asked."  
  
Zitao lifted his face to meet Yifan's eyes.  
  
"And I don't think it really matters." Yifan added, crossing his arms.  
  
 _Of course it does, stupid_ , Zitao's mind screamed, but he was too shocked to say anything, really.  
  
"Okay. Chanyeol. Chanyeol is. He's very important to me. He - he's everything to me, I'm willing to give up everything and fight the society for him. I. He's been there for me when nobody is, he understands me like nobody else and I - "

Zitao wanted to scream,  _shut up shut up I don't want to hear anything -_  
  
" -  _love_  him, Zitao."  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
Everything went black soon after, and Zitao could hear Yifan screaming his name. But it might only be his imagination, after all.

He almost hoped that everything was a mere dream, and that he would wake up on his bed back in Qingdao, back in home.

(Or maybe he just wanted to wake up in Yifan's arms.  _Really_  back home.)  
  
                                                                   ---  
  
Zitao woke up to silence.

He blinked, trying to focus his eyes and everything was white. He could see an IV line on his left hand, and he realized that he was at the hospital. He could feel some warmth on his right hand and found Yifan was holding it while his head rested on the edge of Zitao's bed, eyes closed.  
  
Zitao didn't know whether he should be happy or sad that everything wasn't a mere dream after all.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
"You're awake."  
  
Zitao opened his eyes to find Baekhyun's wide eyes staring at him. He blinked his eyes. Baekhyun smiled.  
  
"Yifan hyung left an hour ago, he's been here all night. Why didn't you tell us that you had a high fever anyway?" Baekhyun demanded, crossing his arms. Zitao tried to move his right hand. The warmth was gone.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize it either," he muttered, massaging his temple. Baekhyun looked concerned.  
  
"Does it still hurt? Do I need to call the doctor?" He asked, but Zitao shook his head weakly, saying 'I'm okay' although he didn't fully mean it. Baekhyun sighed.  
  
"Imagine how worried we were watching Yifan hyung carry you with terrified expression like that. We thought you were dying or something."  
  
"He what?"  
  
"He carried you in his arms to the emergency room. Like, literally. He is super strong, after all." Baekhyun explained, chuckling. Zitao said nothing, looking at the ceiling as if it's the most interesting thing in the world.  
  
"You must be precious to him. Chanyeol said he never saw Yifan hyung look so terrified like that." Baekhyun added later, a faint smile played on his lips. Zitao resisted the urge to snort.  
  
"You know Chanyeol and Yifan gege are together, right? It's  _him_  who's precious to him. Yifan gege was probably afraid I was dying, just like you said. If I really died then he's gonna be the first suspect since he's with me at that time." Zitao murmured, and Baekhyun laughed.

_Right,_  he said a few moments later, but Zitao couldn't really miss the sadness and pain in those dark brown eyes.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
Zitao was discharged the next day.

The preparation of their debut hit them soon after, started with the members being put in the same dorm to live together. Sehun hugged him tightly and patted him on the back when he moved out. Zitao said he would miss him because really, he would. Sehun was a good roommate, after all.  
  
He was roomed with Minseok, a chubby and bright boy whom Zitao called  _oppa_  at their first meeting those months ago. They still laughed at that even now, and Minseok told him that it was one of the most hilarious moment in his life ever.  
  
Not long after, they were given their stage names. Some kept their real names, while some were changed. Jongin became Kai, Jongdae became Chen, Minseok became Xiumin, Joonmyun became Suho, Kyungsoo became D.O, Yixing became Lay, and Yifan became Kris.  
  
"Huang Zitao," their manager smiled at him. Zitao swallowed.  
  
"From now on you will be Tao. Erase all traces of Huang Zitao. Your blog, your scandals and rumors, your friends, your diary. Everything." The older man said calmly. Zitao stared at him blankly, but he nodded.  
  
"Yes, of course." He breathed soon after, thinking  _it's okay, I can handle this_ , because he had lost Huang Zitao a long time ago, anyway.  
  
                                                                    ---  
  
The company chose a fixed name for their groups a few weeks before their first recording: EXO-K and EXO-M. Along with that, they announced that they would transfer Yifan to EXO-M and appointed him as the leader.  
He could immediately see the dislike in Yifan's eyes. He saw Chanyeol pulled Yifan into his arms, whispering something in his ears that made Yifan smile.  
  
Zitao decided he hated it.  
  
Yifan moved into their dorm the next day, his usual old worn-out backpack on his back, a black suitcase on his right, and Zitao's heart in his hands.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
The debut went smoothly.

They got lots of fans even before their official debut, and even more after. Zitao had completely become Tao then and Wu Yifan was gone, replaced by a charismatic EXO-M's leader Kris.  
  
It was the night after the Beijing showcase, the night before EXO-K members would go back to Seoul, that Tao noticed something was different. Kris looked pale and said almost nothing during their late dinner. Chanyeol looked uneasy beside him, barely touching his own plate.

When they were back in their rooms, Tao couldn't sleep. Baekhyun and Minseok, his roommates of the night, were already fast asleep. Sighing, he got up from the bed and carefully opened the door to get some milk from the fridge. His short trip to the kitchen was quiet, the only sound audible was the clock ticking. It was 2 AM.  
  
His trip back to his room though, was not as quiet. He was walking in front of Kris and Chanyeol's shared-room, and he could hear the noises that pretty much sounded like sobbings, then stopped abruptly in front of the door. He inched closer after some thoughts, and placed his ear carefully on the key hole.  
  
He could hear the sobbings clearer on the other side, and hushed whispers he could barely catch. He could only hear  _I love you, I really do - you know that, right? I love you I love you I love you -_  and the rest was muffled, but he's pretty sure that it was Chanyeol's voice. It's not that hard to recognize that deep voice of his, really.  
  
After a few more minutes of nothing but sobbings, Tao decided to give up and headed back to his own room. He threw himself to his bed, forcing his eyes to shut before drifting away to sleep.  
  
He dreamt of falling.  
  
                                                                     ---  
  
The next day, they went to the airport to say  _goodbye, good luck, we'll see you soon_  to the EXO-K members. Lu Han hugged Sehun so tight and so long that the manager had to tear them apart, despite Lu Han's teary eyes and whining of  _please, just a little bit more -_  and  _he left passport at home! he needs to stay!_  while the manager shook his head and took Sehun's passport back from Lu Han's backpack.  
  
Tao moved his attention to Kris and Chanyeol, who were standing a little bit further from the others, talking quietly so that no one heard.  
  
"It's time," the manager said when the final call for their flight was filling the crowded airport building. Tao saw Chanyeol pulled Kris into an embrace, and Kris closing his eyes as he let himself being pulled and burying his face into Chanyeol's neck. Tao looked away, and found Baekhyun standing in front of him, smiling.  
  
"Take care of Yifan hyung for Chanyeol, will you? I know you're a wushu master so please take care of him well. Chanyeol would be sad if something happens to him." Baekhyun said softly, patting Tao's shoulder. But there was something much more in his eyes.  
  
"You love Park Chanyeol, don't you?" Tao whispered low in Baekhyun ear when he pulled the older man into a hug. He could feel Baekhyun tensed. He then pulled away, smiling softly.  
  
"It's okay," Tao said. Baekhyun looked like he was about to cry.  
  
"It's going to be okay," he repeated again, firmly this time.  
  
He wasn't even sure whether he was saying it to Baekhyun or to himself.  
  
In fact, he wasn't sure of anything anymore.  
  
                                                                    ---  
  
"How do you know?" Baekhyun texted him three hours later.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"That it's going to be okay."

He paused.

"I don't know. I believe."  
  
And that's that.  
  
                                                                    ---  
  
The fans went crazy about Baekyeol and Hunhan, saying that they were meant to be together and they looked perfect together. They would shout  _BAEKYEOL BAEKYEOL_  or  _SELU SELU_  in their faces, demanding fanservices. Lu Han and Sehun didn't mind because then they had excuses to show their affection towards each other in public and hide behind the fanservice disguise.  
  
Baekhyun and Chanyeol, on the other hand, said that they fought a lot and hit each other a lot. Baekhyun said he would never date Chanyeol if he were a girl because he was too violent and annoying in one of their interviews, while Chanyeol said he would never date Baekhyun either because Baekhyun was too short and was not his type.  
  
Kris watched that interview on his laptop with empty eyes.  
  
He looked lost.  
  
                                                                  ---  
  
Tao found Kris crying in his room alone a week later, his back facing the door. Tao hesitated before he carefully walked closer. He stretched his hand to touch the older's broad shoulder, but he stopped half-way.  
  
Kris sensed his presence almost immediately and turned around, eyes red and cheeks wet of trail of tears.  
  
"What - Didn't anyone teach you how to knock a door?" Kris choked out, a pitch too higher, looking confused and angry and hurt. Tao just stood there and said nothing, gazing deep into those eyes he loved the most. He inhaled deeply, gathering all his courage and stepped closer to pull Kris into his arms. Kris froze, too shocked to say anything. Tao gently guided him to sit on the bed, and waited.  
  
"We broke up." Kris whispered a few heartbeats later, as if he were afraid that if he said it loudly his world would shook and crumble. Tao said nothing.  
  
"He said he fell in love with Baekhyun. He -" Kris choked out, unable to finish the sentence.  
  
Silence.  
  
"He left me." Kris continued later, his voice filled with anger and pain and disbelief, burying his face into his knees.  
"He's everything I have, Zitao - without him, I have nothing." He added, feeling frustated and hopeless.  
  
Tao gazed at the man beside him breaking apart to the core of his heart silently, slowly but steadily.  
  
 _But I've always been here,_  he wanted to say.  
  
 _I've always been here watching you, like now -_  
  
Tao threw away his mask and he was Zitao again, young and fragile and pretty much in love with Wu Yifan, a drop of tear fell from the corner of his eye.  
  
 _\- from behind._  
  
                                                                   ---  
  
"You know," Zitao said hours later after Yifan had stopped crying, laying on the bed beside Yifan, staring at the ceiling. Yifan rubbed his eyes, turning aside so he could face Zitao's familiar figure and gave him a questioning look.  
  
"A long time ago, someone said this to me: 世界对你来说没有不可能." Zitao smiled, now gazing into Yifan's widened eyes.  
  
"I thought you're already asleep," Yifan replied, looking thoughtful. Zitao chuckled.  
  
"I thought it was a dream too, but your voice was too vivid to be a dream, I guess."  
  
Yifan smiled for the first time after his breakdown, and Zitao could feel butterflies in his stomach flipping their wings excitedly, rising heat into his cheeks.  
  
"Well, so. What I'm trying to say is, nothing is impossible for you either. If you are meant to be together, you will get back together again someday. Somehow. Or," Zitao paused. "You can look for someone new who probably loves you much more than him and actually willing to be with you forever." He added after some thoughts, but he only got  _ummm_  and a yawn as a reply. He hit Yifan's head playfully, irritated.  
  
"I'm sleepy, why are you so mean," Yifan sighed, curling into a ball. Zitao felt himself smiling, watching the taller man closing his eyes gradually and fell asleep soon after. He studied Yifan's face for some moments before leaning in, whispering the words of truth from his own heart so softly so it didn't wake Yifan up.  
  
He carefully placed his head on the pillow again, smiling as he closed his eyes.  
  
                                                                    ---

 

 

  
  
_If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life._  
  
                                                                    

 

  
  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> “世界对你来说没有不可能” = There is nothing impossible for you in this world.


End file.
